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love sucks

When you are so comfortable at a stage in your life and it all comes crashing down.. how do you deal with it??
I invested 5 years of my life into something that meant nothing to the person involved.. if the 5 years meant anything why throw it away in 1 week.. yes we fight and argue but that made us stronger as a pair.. it wasn't like we fought all the time.. I no I can't fix it but what about all the good times we had all the travels.. the time we were idiots and walked through negative 16 degree weather not the smartest thing we ever did but hell it was fun.. or I no it sounds girly but the pillow fights.. the times we stayed up all night with marathons of our favorite shows even though we had to work the next day.. there were many more but those are just a few.. you have helped me grow into person I have become and I love you for that.. you are my 1st true love and I will never forget you but I know its what we need as adults.. I hope life brings you happiness from this point forward..

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What I want in a boyfriend is when I am talking or telling a story if you can’t say anything nice don’t say anything at all just nod so I know you are listening or make me happy and pretend to be interested. If I had a bad day at work don’t criticize and tell me for it like saying “If you learned to get alone with people better it could be different.” Or “That’s why people don’t like you” I just want my man to insure me everything will be ok, things will get better. I need someone tell me about my faults in a story I just told. If you want to do that find someone else who wants correction on their actions.

I don’t want to be afraid to tell my boyfriend how I feel. I should not have to worry that my feelings are not worthy of your ears. If you say, “Well you say that all the time.” Then shouldn’t you think that’s something you should work on? Or shouldn’t I realize that it’s never going to get better? Why live in a situation where neither person is happy. One can’t stand what the other one does and doesn’t care if they’re upset. And the other one is miserable and can’t say tell the other person without getting yelled at and getting their feelings dismissed.

I want to see that I am loved and be told that I am loved. I want a gentlemen someone who will open a door for me when we are out. Someone who will hold me tight, who doesn’t want to let go. Not someone who could care less if they hold me, who thinks just because they have me they don’t have to try. My love should be won over and over not just once and done. People keep playing the lottery even though they already won a little bit because they know that eventually they could win a lot more. Treat my love like the lottery because there is always more to win.
Everyone’s feelings matter. If the person you’re with doesn’t think your feelings matter then something needs to happen. Either they grow up and learn that your feelings do matter and should to them if they really love you or it needs to come to an end because they have some growing up to do. There is someone out there for everyone you will find your true love eventually. There might be a few bumps in the road but no one should make you feel less than or belittle you over the things you do or say.

I think when men say “Why do I need to do whatever it takes to make you happy? Just because you are a woman?” should be slapped that shows you have no respect for the woman you are with. It makes me so mad that some men think that they shouldn’t have to do whatever it takes to make their woman happy. Especially those women who would be happy with free things like a picnic or watching a movie of her choice or a walk while holding hands through the park. Why is it so hard for a man to take time out of their day to do some of these things? That’s not the only things that they can do that is free there are so many things that are free that would make their woman happy.

I want someone who will take me on a picnic and go on a walk while holding my hand through the park. When I drop several hints that I want to do things I shouldn’t have to wait 3 years and I still have to be the one to drive us to do it. You should make a mental note and take me on a special date. That means the man drives because it is not the same when I have to drive to do what I want. It would mean more if my man would take me to do something I suggested.

The cake me my brother and my cousin made for my mommy and my grandma

I wish this semester was over I feel overwhelmed by everything that is needed by me. I realize that I hate writing papers. You have to write a paper in almost every class. College is a place we want to go to get higher education for a better job, but you know I don’t think that in most professions you have to write all these papers. I understand if you are taking a class where writing it main objective or if you are an English major. I am a criminal justice major and I have to write papers on the health reform and things like that, but I do not think that this is the kinds of things I am going to be doing in the type of job I want. I am not going to be a police officer like most criminal justice majors are I want to be a forensic scientist (no not because I watch too much CSI I actually looked in to what they do) and I do not think they are going to make me write a 4 page paper about my work every other week (well that’s what it seems like!) but in a criminal justice class I see no purpose in all these papers.
This summer I have decided for my birthday we are going to Florida, I want to go to Disney World!! I know it supposed to be for younger children but I still have some growing up to do!! I am still a kid at heart and always will be! Growing up gives us too many responsibilities and sometimes you need a break, and that is what I am ready for.

I know that almost everyone says this but I hate my job!! I hate it so much I know “At least you have one!” that’s what anyone would say. If I could afford to quit and then look for a new one I would anyone can take it, I just don’t want it. I am really irritated by all the favoritism that goes on there. The GM has his favorites and I know that all places do but they should not make it that obvious! His assistant manager provides him with anything he wants and anything that will help him get ahead. For example for Christmas he bought the GM a 52” flat screen plasma TV. Talk about brown nosing!! Then the assistant managers brother started working there and to keep that idiot(the assistant manager) happy he gives his brother a shit ton of hours, I have been there for 3 years and he took hours away from me to give then to that dimwit! And no matter what he does at work it’s ok!!!!!! (Whether it’s legal or not!!) And to top it off the GMs son started working there. What the heck I think they are trying to make me have a stroke. He has pulled no call no show and apparently when he does it its funny, he can come in whenever he wants if he doesn’t feel like being there when the schedule says an hour late is ok! I show up a min late and it 20 questions. Anyone can get written up for having their call phone in the store but not those three is ok for them. Then the GM wants to bitch at people for time management because someone had asked if they could go pick someone up who really needed a ride, they were 5 min down the road, they got bitched at as usual because they are not part of the top 3 people; but then it was ok for the assistant manager to leave for a few HOURS to help the GMs son because he was moving. If you are going to bitch, bitch at the right people! Never would that happen though but whatever I can dream. I just hope I find a new job soon before this one stresses me out to bad. Sorry for the rant its just been on my mind i feel a little better now.

After watching the news I don’t think that I want to go to Cancun. I have never, not done something because what I see on the news or for what people want me to do, but I don’t think I want to be beheaded at this time in my life. I would hate for me to be down there and any of us get killed, I would feel terrible unless it were me then I’d just be gone! I think I want to go to California, but everyone else wants to go to Florida. My thought on that is shouldn’t the birthday girl get to pick! It’s only a thought but I mean think about it, it makes sense. I have always been fascinated by California, I have no idea why. I wouldn’t mind living there, but I think it’s a little out of my price range for now!

This year for my birthday my friends want to take me to Cancun!! I’m so excited about this trip. I have never been that far away from home!! The furthest I have ever been was Minneapolis and that is not that far really. The reason they chose Cancun is it is my 21 birthday and they are not quite old enough to take me out and the drinking age there is 18!! So they can have fun and take me out legally and it’s someplace far from home. It will be awesome I hope!!

I watched Alice in Wonderland last night. I really liked it. I cannot compare it to the older version because I do not remember it (if I even watched it all the way through anyways). My favorite director is Tim Burton so I had to go see this. I enjoy watching his work. My favorite movie is Nightmare before Christmas. And no it’s not because it become a fade a few years ago. My parents bought me that movie when it first came out. I still have the VHS (it doesn’t work well anymore). But I have like that movie since I got it. The part I like the most about it is that it’s Claymation.

So yesterday one of our walks me and my friend were asked why we weren’t in school because we looked like we were 15! I think the lady was a little loopy but we told her we were not that young and told her our age, I don’t think she believed us by the look on her face. She went one to ask us if we went to college and what one we went to. I think that is a lot of information to ask someone while waiting on the walk symbol!

At the elementary I volunteer at I work with kindergarteners and second graders. In the second grade class there are something’s that I find odd about the things they do with their appearance. Like one little girl gets her nails done, not just painted pretty by her mom, professionally. That to me is a little extreme she is only 8 years old! I do not think that an 8 year old should be wearing those. This other little girl has natural black hair and she gets red highlights. That would ok if she were 15 or so but really at 8years old! I just think it is strange how people are letting their children grow up so fast and then they talk about they can’t believe that they grew up so fast.

The kindergarten class I go to the children are so well behaved. The teacher is awesome and they way the children give her so much respect, and the other day they had a substitute and they gave her the same respect. They are such wonderful children and their behavior is just outstanding. I have been in college classes with people who don’t listen half as well as the children.

So it’s been a long day of procrastinating I have so much I need to catch up on and I cannot get motivated to do it! It’s late and now I’m tired, have to put it off until tomorrow if I even do it then!!